New Findings On Happiness Have Implications For Rocky Marriages
|
Not only do individuals who follow Time Magazine's "Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life" suggestions (Time, January 17, 2005, p. A8-A9) increase their own level of happiness, they also increase the odds that they can keep their marriage.
The same actions that can lead to a more satisfying life are the ones that can help to improve a troubled marriage. Two of the Time suggestions are to count your blessings by keeping a gratitude journal and to learn to forgive.
These same steps are necessary to maximize a spouse's efforts to cope with a marriage that is in danger of falling apart. In their book Keep Your Marriage: What To Do When Your Spouse says "I don't love you anymore" co-authors Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner also advise spouses to keep a gratitude journal.
According to Wasson and Hefner, this might seem like a strange recommendation, but it's when things aren't going well that you most need to look for the positive things that are present in your life. They write, "A gratitude journal gives you a nudge to remind yourself of the many blessings already present in your life...Being aware of your blessings gives you a broader, more balanced perspective of your life."
This, they contend, jump starts the process of being able to see an increased number of positives instead of overlooking them as people in crisis often do. While spouses may start out listing positives such as watching a beautiful sunset, the process makes it easier for them to begin noticing what's right about their partner and marriage instead of only focusing on the negative aspects.
The co-authors also agree with the Time suggestion of learning to forgive as a key ingredient in a happy life. They state that "Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment and blame. It's something that you do for yourself when you are ready to let go of depleting anger." Wasson and Hefner contend that shaky marriages are usually full of grudges and hurts from the past.
According to Dr. Wasson, "Someone has to take the lead in making healthy changes that can change the present dynamics of blame and resentment. One partner deciding to forgive themselves and the partner for not being perfect can have an amazing impact on the marriage and its chances to survive the crisis."
The Time article recommends writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who has hurt or wronged you. Co-author Hefner sees this as a "courageous step of taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being, as well as the health of your relationship."
According to the Time article, University of Illinois psychologist Edward Diener, a.k.a. Dr. Happiness, has found that loss of a spouse is one of two life events that seem to "knock people lastingly below their happiness set point." (The other is loss of a job.) Seventy-three percent of participants in a recent Time poll responded that their relationship with their spouse or partner or their love life is a major source of happiness.
Based on the current findings, Wasson and Hefner state that it makes more sense than ever to recognize the potential of a marriage to boost happiness and health and to work to keep and improve it.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
|
|
|
The Wedding Aisle - Who Is Walking You Down It?
Choosing who should walk down the aisle with you is not as easy at it has been in the past. In the past, it has always been assumed that the father of the bride is to be the one. These days, between family tensions, having divorced parents and just wanting to be independent has changed this tradition. Some brides still choose the traditional route with a twist. Here are 8 ideas from brides and brides-t...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Man Made Diamonds, The Affordable Alternative
Diamonds may be a woman's best friend, but modern man made diamonds are so good as to be indistinguishable from real diamonds. And when you look at the huge savings on price, man made diamonds may be a woman's best decision.Increasingly, engaged couples are considering the cost of some wedding jewelry. In today's high pressure high cost lifestyle couples are really wondering whether or not it is appropriate to spend big on, say, a diamond engagement ring.The more spent on wedding jewelry the less available later for the important things in the marriage, like a house. Or the kids when they arrive. Is it responsible to spend so much to buy ...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Choosing A Wedding Reception And Banquet Facility
It's time to look for a banquet facility. Most clients end up deciding on a particular banquet facility for two specific reasons ? they like how they were treated by the banquet sales staff and they fall in love with the facility when they walk through the doors. Those are both great reasons for going with specific venues. Here are some other things to consider when shopping for a banquet facility that may have drastic impacts on the success or failure of your wedding.The bar should be in the same room as dancing. Having a separate bar area will only lead to splitting...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Are You Fully Present In Your Marriage?
"Presence is more than just being there," states Malcolm S.Forbes. How true!Have you ever been talking with someone and felt that they were miles away even though they were sitting next to you? They might have appeared to be listening, but you could sens...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Las Vegas Hotel Weddings
"Las Vegas hotel weddings give you tons of options. You can pick your setting ? from the minimal downtown hotels to the lavish hotels on the strip; pick your city ? from Venice to Paris, from Monte Carlo to good old New York; and pick your style ? from tuxedoed, buttoned down formal to tie dyed, long haired sixties radical.From champagne to sparkling apple juice, from Pirates of the Caribbean to exploding volcanoes, pick your favorite hotel and you've only just begun to discover the boundless enthusiasm and creativity that is the trademark of a Las Vegas hotel wedding. Got lots of kids in the family ? rent the arcade at the Luxor and watch the kids go wild for hours and hours. Have lots of romanti...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Dance Music For The Wedding Reception
The most enjoyable part of the wedding reception is the dance music. When choosing dance music for your wedding, you need to decide if you want the services of a DJ or a band for your wedding.For a church wedding, you could sit with the...(related: Marriage Wedding)
The ?ex? Factor: Why Men And Women Over 50 Don?t Remarry!
Thinking about remarrying? Consider these reasons why others have chosen not to. One out of two marriages ends in divorce. 60% of second marriages fail. 66% of marriages and living together situations end in break up according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Read more?The "EX" Factor: Why Men and Women Over 50 Don't RemarryIn focus groups conducted by this author with men and women over 50 and divorced, five major reasons why they don't want to remarry surfaced. Finances are the prevalent concern of both groups.Financial? Debt responsibility of a new partner? Alimony and child support payments? Family inheritance issues? Financial responsibility for stepchildren? Financial responsibility...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Renewing Your Marriage Vows - On The Right Side Of The Law
Movies, sitcoms and soapies made in the United States could mislead Australian couples into inad...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Saving Money On Your Wedding Reception Using Reception Themes
Just like weddings, receptions are often theme based as well. Reception themes are often more relaxed than wedding themes because they are meant to be provided in a party atmosphere. There are many...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Marriage Advice: Upgrade Your Marriage By Changing Your Focus
As the story goes, a Cherokee elder was sitting with his grandchildren. He told them, "In every life there is a terrible fight-a fight between two wolves. One is evil: he is fear, anger, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, and deceit. The other is good: joy, serenity, humility, confidence, generosity, truth, gentleness, and compassion."One of his grandchildren asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?" The elder looked him in the eye and replied, "The one you feed."This brief story contains a far-reaching truth. You choose which traits, attitudes, beliefs, and values you will give attention to. And wh...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Proper Etiquette For The Wedding Invitation
The invitation is the first impression of the type of wedding you have planned. Your invitation may be custom made, sophisticated, eloquent or a do it yourself creation. With all the styles and colors to choose from, it should not be too difficult to find the perfect invitation.Whether your invitation is traditional or casual, you will need to include a RSVP (response card) and a reception information card. Other items you could put in with the invitation are directions to the church and reception hall.With today's "blended" families it is increasingly difficult to find the proper wording for the wedding invitation. Here are some examples of traditional wording for your invitation.Wording when Hosted by the Brides Family:Mr. and Mrs. John Snowrequest the honor of your presenceat the marria...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Bridal Hair Stylist Goes Above And Beyond The Call Of Duty
You are locked in your seat on the most famous roller coaster in the world, the Cyclone in Brooklyn, New York. Your fiancé is right next to you, both of you dressed in wedding attire. As you go up the steep climb the preacher, who is seated behind you, begins reading your vows. At the pinnacle of the climb, you are pronounced Mr. and Mr...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Riding Into The Sunset In Style
Details, details, details. Paying attention to details, that's what makes a good wedding great. As the maid of honor or best man, a lovely send off for the newlyweds is a tastefully decorated car-announcing to the world "Here comes Mr. & Mrs. Happy Couple"!Big SplurgeIf you're the best man and you have deep pockets, a wonderful wedding treat is splurging for a vintage or customized car for your pal. Match the car to the personality of the couple. Are they sporty and nuts about the ...(related: Marriage Wedding)
site-map - Copyright © 2007 | Contact Webmaster | All Rights Reserved | Free Articles and Information | Marriage Wedding